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Letteropener52

Selected Sun, Oct 02, 2022

I held the clown's nose in my hand as I carefully contemplated what I wanted to wish for. I thought about gaining riches, fame, magical power, love, but ultimately, all those things were temporary. What I really wanted was immortality, freedom from the fear of ever being claimed by the void. But the mysterious shopkeeper had warned me that the clown's nose would try to twist my wish, so I knew I needed to word it very carefully.

Finally, after a few minutes, I finally spoke out loud. "Oh Spirit of the Clown's Nose, I wish to live for as long as I want to on this world in a body that will never age and remain healthy both physically and mentally." For a few moments, nothing happened and I wondered if the shopkeeper had tricked me. Then, to my shock, the clown's nose started to twist and melt in my hand. I dropped it in shock and yet, in front of my stunned eyes, the red blob began to rise into the sky. It started to rapidly grow in size until it was roughly the same size as a man. Then, without warning, it fell on me, quickly enveloping my entire body. I tried to scream, but the thick red substance simply poured its way down my throat into my lungs. I could feel myself blacking out, sliding down into some strange tunnel that seemed to go on and on ...

"Sir! Sir, are you all right?!"

I opened my eyes in shock. I was sitting  in front of a conference table with a bunch of concerned men in suits staring at me. I took a quick look around and noticed that I was wearing some kind of yellow body suit with red and white stripes. On the left side of the suit, there was a red circle with a yellow M on it. "Why...why am I here?" I finally said, surprised to see that I was still alive.

The men looked at each other confused. "You're the one who called us all here, Ronald," one man finally spoke. "You said you had finally found a worthy successor?"

Oh dear god...I slowly touched my nose and felt the clown's nose resting there. I didn't need a mirror to know the truth. I had become Ronald McDonald, the eternal clown. For a few moments, I felt utter dread at what I had become. Then, I felt myself contemplating. Was it really that bad? Sure, I wasn't human anymore, but I was now the secret leader of a multinational fast food chain and the scourge of children's nightmares. I smiled to myself. I could work with this. "That's right, gentleman. And I have great plans for the future. It's time we finally took down that Wendy girl once and for all."

---

Submitted by Letteropener52 on Thu, Sep 29, 2022 to /r/WritingPrompts/

Full submission here

The prompt

Instead of the Monkey's Paw, you find the Clown's Nose, which instead of granting your wish in the worst way possible will grant it in the funniest way.

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Hench stepped off the train into a sullen Gotham drizzle. His joints hurt. He wanted a cigarette. The doctor had told him to stop smoking, it was haza...Mon, Jan 16, 2023's story:
“BEHOLD MORTAL! THE CURSE OF ENDLESS TEMPTATION!” The demon exclaimed while gesturing in an exaggerated manner. I felt something light rol...Sun, Jan 15, 2023's story:
I never wanted to be a cult leader in the first place. That's what I keep tellin myself. The whole reason I even allowed myself to start this whole th...Sat, Jan 14, 2023's story:
I’m an old man now, but I was young when they left. You have to understand how bad it was in those days- the air wanted to choke us, the earth wanted ...Thu, Jan 12, 2023's story:
When the scroll said ‘Animate Skeleton’ in magic runes, I had assumed it meant I could animate a skeleton I happened to come across in a dungeon or th...Wed, Jan 11, 2023's story:
Everyone knows about ninjas. This is true. Almost no one knows about ninjas. This is *also* true. Everyone knows, for example, that ninjas wear bl...Tue, Jan 10, 2023's story:
I was in the pond taking a bath when the knight strolled up fresh from battle. I heard him approaching loudly, as humans are clumsy pushing through t...Sat, Dec 31, 2022's story:
This place smells of stale coffee and eggs. One of those places with an 'All Day Breakfast' sign in the window, underneath a piece of paper with six o...Fri, Dec 30, 2022's story:
It is *awful* being skinny. And, sure, you'll be just like everyone else and say "Oh, poor baby," or "Here's the world's smallest violin," or just "...Thu, Dec 29, 2022's story:
I had never been a productive member of society before the End. Time changes us all, as they say, and after a fashionable time off spent digging mysel...Wed, Dec 28, 2022's story:
"Boost what the hell man" The bounty hunter armed his arm canon , his cybernetic eye implant glowed red as he aimed his sights at me. " You ratted us ...Tue, Dec 27, 2022's story:
". . . well, in that case, what do YOU think the message will be?" I asked. "Probably a message of truth, peace, and love," Emily said, "from an anci...Mon, Dec 26, 2022's story:
It had been a life well lived. For me at least. I was at peace with all I had accomplished. Maybe there were opportunities I had missed out on, and su...Sun, Dec 25, 2022's story:
They had come alone. I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief. The chance for a double cross was still there, the billowing cloak my illustriou...Sat, Dec 24, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **"Trust me, kid,"** the ferryman said. "It's not your time to cross yet." Meloai jerked her head towards the sign. "Says you're open." ...Fri, Dec 23, 2022's story:
The rain had started not long after the girl had started her journey, leaving the small village she had been born into not sixteen years before. The t...Thu, Dec 22, 2022's story:
They had come alone. I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief. The chance for a double cross was still there, the billowing cloak my illustriou...Wed, Dec 21, 2022's story:
**Gay-sekai** I awakened on a field of fallen cherry blossoms, with the taste of iced coffee still on my tongue. This didn't feel like being hit by a...Tue, Dec 20, 2022's story:
The brave young girl walked through the forest, gripping her lantern tight as she diligently looked around; she knew very well what she had to do and ...Sun, Dec 18, 2022's story:
"I thought you gave out swords" I say to the strange woman in the lake. "I do, take it" she responds holding out the object. "That's not a sword."...Sat, Dec 17, 2022's story:
"Please tell us a story grandpa!"*the children demanded while gathering around the nearly 200 years old man before the fireplace.* *He opened his ol...Fri, Dec 16, 2022's story:
The tavern was quietening down, as the evening swallowed the light and the regulars swallowed their drinks. Those looking for fighting or fornicating ...Thu, Dec 15, 2022's story:
*Nothing* is faster than light. Certainly not new information. We... sorta knew that already? But never has it been more evident than when, well... w...Wed, Dec 14, 2022's story:
I had been sitting in my apartment, nursing a hot chocolate as the cold winter's day perfectly emulated my mood. I was bested, captured, and my identi...Tue, Dec 13, 2022's story:
“We really need to be more specific. This is getting out of hand.” The gathered deities nod in solemn agreement. One eldritch being gestures broadl...Mon, Dec 12, 2022's story:
I chuckle a bit at the statement, thinking it's her trying to play one of her mischievous pranks on me. I brush the hair from her face, smiling just ...Sun, Dec 11, 2022's story:
The world passes us by without us even realizing. A day, month, year? Just numbers put to the passing of something we so desperately wish to control. ...Sat, Dec 10, 2022's story:
I chuckle a bit at the statement, thinking it's her trying to play one of her mischievous pranks on me. I brush the hair from her face, smiling just ...Fri, Dec 09, 2022's story:
Shaun sat in something that was uncomfortably like a leathery bean bag, but warm and cooing slightly as it breathed. He went to stand up in horror,...Thu, Dec 08, 2022's story:
Obligitory writing on phone and have fat fingers, I will be trying to remove typos but I make no promises as to getting all of them. Also this is the ...Wed, Dec 07, 2022's story:
"Ah yes sire, a bargain at any price." The grinning man passed the black sword across the counter of his shop to me. His smile betrayed his intent, as...Tue, Dec 06, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **Shivio had once thought genies were never granted freedom due to the selfishness of humankind.** After all, who would hold a Demon of De...Mon, Dec 05, 2022's story:
They said the world was about to end, they said the Earth was dying, that our motherworld could no longer support her children, they insisted on leav...Sun, Dec 04, 2022's story:
The King's Hall was utterly silent. None of the courtiers dared to so much as breathe. Lady Mystella continued: "...and so like Uranus was slain by C...Sat, Dec 03, 2022's story:
"-but when I do it, I'm a 'cult leader,' and a 'threat to society,'" I grumbled, using my fingers to put air quotes around the fun little titles they'...Fri, Dec 02, 2022's story:
I thumbed the pill bottle on the table, and rolled it until the label faced upwards. "ANTI-PSYCHOTIC 1 PILL DAILY WITH FOOD" glared back at me, in a c...Thu, Dec 01, 2022's story:
Superpowers, superheroes, no matter what sort of titles they placed on themselves they were powerless in the moment it mattered most. As the massive r...Wed, Nov 30, 2022's story:
The leaves were gently rustling in the breeze, the warm sunlight of dusk painting the sky a golden yellow. She sat on a park bench, shoulder to should...Tue, Nov 29, 2022's story:
Zack had no idea why he was there. This was not a part of the city good people went to. This was the kind of place where a guy could get his teeth kno...Mon, Nov 28, 2022's story:
There’s a palpable aura around those who wield an ungodly amount of power. The confidence, the assurance of command. I’d encountered it before; this...Sun, Nov 27, 2022's story:
Zack had no idea why he was there. This was not a part of the city good people went to. This was the kind of place where a guy could get his teeth kno...Sat, Nov 26, 2022's story:
Detective Steve looked out onto the stormy streets of the city. As the rain pittered patterned down the windowseel the wind rushed past the city's lan...Fri, Nov 25, 2022's story:
Anderson swallowed in fear, there were reports of a hydra en route to the capital, no soldier had managed to down it in time. The creature was too cle...Thu, Nov 24, 2022's story:
I understood very little about how the world worked. My wife called me naïve, said I found it easier to always see the good in everything. In everyone...Wed, Nov 23, 2022's story:
The priest looked exhausted and I didn't blame him. We'd been at this since 8:30 this morning, and it was creeping up on midnight. Hell, *I* was exhau...Tue, Nov 22, 2022's story:
"I know it's ridiculous!" The wizard threw his hands into the air. "Then stop this nonsense and make me something that doesn't look like I should be ...Mon, Nov 21, 2022's story:
**The Story of Rog the Space Pioneer** Rog look sky. Rog be part of sky, Rog born with higher goal. Rog look around, tribe strong, tribe working. T...Sun, Nov 20, 2022's story:
It is a grande house. Sweeping verandas around the house, Victorian styling, little details you just don’t see any more. In its glory it would have be...Sat, Nov 19, 2022's story:
"I’m not kidding!” Gabe said as he clicked the next enemy on the screen. “Watch!” Tina leaned in to see the screen better. Sure enough, the glossy go...Fri, Nov 18, 2022's story:
Zk'sykar put his three fingered dark brown gelatinous hand on the desk, flipping a green switch by simply contorting one of the digits. The universal ...Wed, Nov 16, 2022's story:
The oppressive heat of Agrabah was beginning to fade as the sun finally dipped beyond the towering walls of the palace. Aladdin's hair was still a mo...Tue, Nov 15, 2022's story:
The golf pencil rolled across the premium pine flooring, followed by the pamphlet map, scribbled to oblivion, swaying in the nowhere breeze carrying j...Mon, Nov 14, 2022's story:
"*All of you?*" the newly initiated vampire hunter hissed as he looked around at his fellow slayers. "We didn't ask to be vampires," the... *vampire*...Sun, Nov 13, 2022's story:
"Wait, did you just... how did you.." The human smiled politely. "Thank you, for your name." My eyes darted back and forth, staring at nothing in p...Sat, Nov 12, 2022's story:
I was flipping through the classifieds when I came across an odd ad: Will do almost anything for $50 Clean your house Walk your dog ...Fri, Nov 11, 2022's story:
They won't stop cheering. I'm sitting here, waiting for the election result. And they won't stop cheering. It's going to be a landslide. They all say ...Thu, Nov 10, 2022's story:
"I can't believe you actually signed her yearbook with that," Uheri said, half in exasperation and half in amusement as she caught up to her frenemy. ...Sat, Oct 29, 2022's story:
I stand just out of reach of the fortress's defences. I knew for a long time the villain wanted to kidnap me and turn me to his side, but I was determ...Fri, Oct 28, 2022's story:
The curse enveloped me, it was warm, comforting almost, like an embrace, as it warped around my feeble frame and reached into the core of my being. My...Thu, Oct 27, 2022's story:
The curse enveloped me, it was warm, comforting almost, like an embrace, as it warped around my feeble frame and reached into the core of my being. My...Wed, Oct 26, 2022's story:
I knew this was a bad idea. Transferring your consciousness? That's not how it works; the camera that is you is stuck to you, it doesn't suddenly shif...Tue, Oct 25, 2022's story:
"Dammit, this is the fourth one this month" Alyra sighs as she puts out the fire beneath the cauldron of boiling water. What a good soup that could ha...Mon, Oct 24, 2022's story:
Today I've got a real treat for you, and I'm guessing many of you will recognize it immediately. That's right, it's a Kodos brand Interstellar Slave ...Sun, Oct 23, 2022's story:
Philosophy is a strange art. Some would call it a science, most would call it daydreaming - at least most of *my* people. Which by the account of my o...Sat, Oct 22, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **The Child squelched towards the front door, smelling strange new souls on the other side.** Thoughts oozed together in the Child's mind....Fri, Oct 21, 2022's story:
"You really took a beating out there didn't ya Barret?" I asked the BT-745 as I welded on the replacement armor plating. "Incurring damage was necess...Thu, Oct 20, 2022's story:
It was supposed to be simple, create the cure, inoculate a few heroes maybe a villain or two, and wait for the chaos to begin. The terror, the shock, ...Wed, Oct 19, 2022's story:
The two lovers kissed each other passionately the moment they met, glad that they were once again able to meet despite the best efforts of their disgr...Tue, Oct 18, 2022's story:
Brian Lyons carried his shotgun with the cockiness of an especially proud cock. His right hand cradled the butt, and the rest of the scuffed, sooty g...Mon, Oct 17, 2022's story:
Scales the color of freshly spilled blood glimmered in sunlight. Proud horns, jagged and razor-sharp, adorned the head of the newly crowned Arena Cham...Sun, Oct 16, 2022's story:
We were both champions. It was inevitable that we would face against each other in the final match. That was, in fact, why we were placed on opposit...Sat, Oct 15, 2022's story:
Finally, I had traced him. Backup was en route. E.Y.E. drones were in the air. I blinked thrice, bringing up my targeting HUD. I checked my magazines ...Fri, Oct 07, 2022's story:
"That can't be a flintlock, can it? Certainly a musket of some sort-" "Guys...?" "It's more advanced than a musket, look! These little brass things ...Thu, Oct 06, 2022's story:
In those days, when the Tiber was still navigable, you could reach Rome by boat. The still smoldering ruins of Ficana were a helpful landmark to find ...Wed, Oct 05, 2022's story:
"That can't be a flintlock, can it? Certainly a musket of some sort-" "Guys...?" "It's more advanced than a musket, look! These little brass things ...Tue, Oct 04, 2022's story:
Ya Boi blinked awake, his back against hard wood and a whole buffet place in front of him. "Whoa! What's all this 'bout?" He called out, and looking...Sat, Oct 01, 2022's story:
“In the depths of wildest dream, I have seen the face of God, slack dead atop the seven thrones. High on the fevered shakes of the soon to pass, the d...Fri, Sep 30, 2022's story:
He was there, dying in my arms. I myself wouldn’t live much longer… The bruises on my skin reflected his. We looked liked perfect lovers for our fin...Thu, Sep 29, 2022's story:
“In the depths of wildest dream, I have seen the face of God, slack dead atop the seven thrones. High on the fevered shakes of the soon to pass, the d...Wed, Sep 28, 2022's story:
I don’t know what I was expecting my death to be. I guess I fell in line with the modern atheist belief that it would be a lot of, well, nothing. Eyes...Tue, Sep 27, 2022's story:
"Sir, we've got reports from the Northern front," the adjutant stated in a dry voice. The general looked at him expectantly. "The 3rd combined divisi...Mon, Sep 26, 2022's story:
Space Log 2384, I haven't written in around a year and it has defintiely been interesting. The first interaction with the Alien Parasite Latinus Namu...Sun, Sep 25, 2022's story:
At the highest peak of the world sat a lone sanctuary, built of the purest marble, nearly indistinguishable from the undisturbed snow on the mountaint...Sat, Sep 24, 2022's story:
My people loved me. They enjoyed my reign (or their head would decorate a pike. I'd also instruct the soldiers to make sure the head would smile, or...Fri, Sep 23, 2022's story:
Space Log 2384, I haven't written in around a year and it has defintiely been interesting. The first interaction with the Alien Parasite Latinus Namu...Thu, Sep 22, 2022's story:
Jem staggered backwards for a second; her spherical helmet tapping on the white plastic wall with a dull thud. She did a calculation for a moment b...Thu, Sep 15, 2022's story:
It's like they all forget that farmers sometimes have parents who weren't farmers. Ma and Pa were adventurers. They settled down here in our town ab...Wed, Sep 14, 2022's story:
I really want to be a writer. Like, really. Never mind I’m a total hack and complete amateur. Just ignore that bit. I read that Tolkin made up his ...Tue, Sep 13, 2022's story:
To summon soldiers, creatures, and war machines from other worlds is to wield one of the greatest powers in the world. Only the most talented summoner...Mon, Sep 12, 2022's story:
[Part 1 of 2] “They had my wallet. Why the hell would they keep kicking me after that? Bunch of hooligans, damn it, where are my keys?” Dave dug thro...Sun, Sep 11, 2022's story:
Once again, the demon felt it – the unmistakable sensation of the Call. Once again, someone in the Middle World attempted to summon her; someone fooli...Sat, Sep 10, 2022's story:
"Flattery ain't gonna change that bet, Enzo." The orc just looks at me, like he's never seen this kind of thing before. Seven feet and three hundred ...Fri, Sep 09, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **"Do you know what happens to civilizations that progress too far technologically?"** Tento asked. I shook my head, eyeing the elf. His ...Thu, Sep 08, 2022's story:
The cathedral walls of pure white clouds continued to swirl in the ethereal golden light of the Great Bestower's temple as you awaited your "power". Y...Wed, Sep 07, 2022's story:
I had been living at home for 2 years. College was over, I was broke, and it turns out nobody wants to hire recent grads with minimal experience in an...Tue, Sep 06, 2022's story:
It had only been a week. I thought I’d be able to hold out longer but goddamnit, I didn’t think I would feel his absence in every ounce of my being—...Mon, Sep 05, 2022's story:
"Meow?" Lovelace, my white cat, studied the pentagram with mild amusement. She sniffed one of the pillar candles but given that it tasted of wax and ...Sun, Sep 04, 2022's story:
"I have followed you for many a year Dr Eon, I believe you are a crook plotting something and not one second of my life should be spent ignoring your ...Sat, Sep 03, 2022's story:
"In return I demand your first born!" The demon boomed. I suppressed a grin and forced it into a reluctant pout. This was the moment I'd been waiti...Fri, Sep 02, 2022's story:
"Just go with the light blue polo Jack. Its not like you're going to El Soires or some fancy restaurant", said Zuko, my rescue doberman. "And do bring...Thu, Sep 01, 2022's story:
No one really knew where he came from or what he did, all I know was that there was no one better at spinning yarns than Steve. Steve was a quaint fe...Wed, Aug 31, 2022's story:
It was odd. I had seen this movie countless times, watching as the heroes make their dramatic entrance, then struggle in their fight, find some way t...Tue, Aug 30, 2022's story:
"Here for the interview?", asked John, sitting across the short hallway from what he believed to be a contender for the entry level IT job he had appl...Mon, Aug 29, 2022's story:
$2.64 UNLEADED, the sign said. It was $2.73 yesterday. Not like I've been paying for it. I've been "purchasing" gas on the clerk's computer behind the...Sun, Aug 28, 2022's story:
“Thank you for calling Call of Cthulu Internet and Cellular!” “Hi, my name is Rachel, and my internet just went dow-“ “We are currently assisting ot...Sat, Aug 27, 2022's story:
The man held the box up on screen for the camera to see, rotating it so that the keyhole was the most visible from the angle. "Now this is quite an ...Sat, Aug 20, 2022's story:
She touched the bruise on her cheek as she leaned closer to the mirror. I watched from behind the two-way glass, studying her face. She was young, no ...Fri, Aug 19, 2022's story:
The Infinite Imperium began aeons ago on a world of powerful magic. There, it started as a unification of the Elven races under one Hegemon, who promi...Thu, Aug 18, 2022's story:
"Think about it," Melo can remember telling the board of executives as he rounded a faux leather seat to stand directly in front of a table. "They are...Wed, Aug 17, 2022's story:
Mr. Matthews was a slobbering mess of the trained killer he used to be. Sixty years ago, he was one of the top soldiers of the military, but now, he w...Tue, Aug 16, 2022's story:
It always happened, eventually. Such was the fate of the warriors on the side of light- they were granted powers, but they were mortal. They would age...Mon, Aug 15, 2022's story:
The lightning cell door shimmered in its frame rather menacingly. It whirred and sizzled with the threat of: *touch me and you'll become a pile of bon...Sun, Aug 14, 2022's story:
The hunt for exceptions almost destroyed us. At first, it was funny to watch, seeing these monsters try every trick in the book to get around it, but...Sat, Aug 13, 2022's story:
"Wife??? I'm 19 years old!" The odd, weird looking thing on my porch was dripping with saltwater, and the light from inside of my apartment made her ...Mon, Aug 08, 2022's story:
"Please," I said with a wide smile and stepped aside from the door, "do come in." The vampire - or at least I assume he was one given by the subtle h...Sat, Aug 06, 2022's story:
'In about twenty minutes you can expect a SWAT team. Start moving to a cafe. Listen to me and you will live. Pack a bag and take your wallet, leave yo...Fri, Aug 05, 2022's story:
Sierra fumbled the coins in her pocket as she left the butcher's store. She couldn't help but feel a little pleased with herself. The butcher's burgla...Fri, Jul 29, 2022's story:
"Has this..." I drawl off, staring towards the strange, slit-eyed boy. "He's been pouring purple gems into this for five hours," Another version of m...Thu, Jul 28, 2022's story:
“Your Honor, as you are well aware,” I said from the podium, “the right to a fair trial is a vital pillar of our justice system.” The Judge, wearing ...Tue, Jul 26, 2022's story:
No. I know this is you, Number 3. You're not fooling anyone by masking it as a prompt on a writing site. I know what you're trying to do. Fix it. Wel...Wed, Jul 20, 2022's story:
Music was never to be played with. Never. You weren't to mess around with a few notes, or trill a line on the piano. True, experimentation happened. B...Mon, Jul 18, 2022's story:
A groan echoed through my tomb, low and terrible. I looked up from my work, a maelstrom of souls screaming for freedom from their confinement. The gro...Sun, Jul 17, 2022's story:
I could always communicate with the dead, but I learned very quickly to pretend that I couldn't. People finding out you see and hear ghosts was...Sat, Jul 16, 2022's story:
The Evil Queen scanned the heroes that stood before her, those thorns in her side that had foiled so many of her plans. Usually, she’ll respond with a...Fri, Jul 15, 2022's story:
The Queen lay on the bed, beaten and bruised from the fight I'd just witnessed. In front of her, the Knight paused, raising his sword. "Strike me ...Thu, Jul 14, 2022's story:
Lungs inhale water until they break, then grow anew. The pain of drowning no longer affects me, for I have suffocated a million times yet I still not ...Wed, Jul 13, 2022's story:
"You know, Darth Bane was saying the other day, that the Sith are only weakened by all the infighting between various Sith Lords, and that there shoul...Sat, Jul 09, 2022's story:
You cock your head, confused. Was this hell? It must have been. You weren’t sure how you got here, but everyone you saw looked so sad. Freaked out, ev...Thu, Jul 07, 2022's story:
“No. Please! Please! Please Stop! Aaahhh!” the screams echoed from the old brick building, down the dark alley. I stood in the shadows, silently wai...Wed, Jul 06, 2022's story:
You cock your head, confused. Was this hell? It must have been. You weren’t sure how you got here, but everyone you saw looked so sad. Freaked out, ev...Tue, Jul 05, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **"Do you believe in second chances?"** I asked. The patrons of the bar gave me skeptical glances. They were an eclectic bunch. A soldier...Mon, Jul 04, 2022's story:
"Huh." I hadn't thought about Barney the dinosaur for many years. And now there was an alien —who looked vaguely like a man in a green dinosaur suit— ...Sun, Jul 03, 2022's story:
Grinclor had seen many species during his tenure at the Plygon Intergalactic Zoo and Funporium, but the new exhibit was still an enigma to him. Sure, ...Sat, Jul 02, 2022's story:
Definitely good at untying. Aren’t opposable thumbs just the best? Plus! cats have us down from way back when in Egypt for scritches - on demand (!)...Fri, Jul 01, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **"Watch it, knife-ear!"** The wagon driver hurled an overripe pear at Xio as the High Elf stumbled across the street. Xio caught the pear...Thu, Jun 30, 2022's story:
"Humans! Report." General Tha-al shouted. He was in an angry mood, and he had every right to be. He needed soldiers, ships, an armada to defeat the Ga...Wed, Jun 29, 2022's story:
The time is 04:00 (MORNING). Daily procedure beginning. Human worker drones proceeds to packing boxes. Brain implants keep them on task. Body functio...Tue, Jun 28, 2022's story:
The time is 04:00 (MORNING). Daily procedure beginning. Human worker drones proceeds to packing boxes. Brain implants keep them on task. Body functio...Mon, Jun 27, 2022's story:
**"It's called a verevolf,"** Dr. Fenn said. "Half werewolf, half vampire." "Whose idea was *that* naming convention?" Chantel grumbled, kicking at a...Sun, Jun 26, 2022's story:
"You humans tend to extinguish the existences of any living thing or ideal that challenges your own place in the world, and that is what I aim to ceas...Sat, Jun 25, 2022's story:
"You humans tend to extinguish the existences of any living thing or ideal that challenges your own place in the world, and that is what I aim to ceas...Fri, Jun 24, 2022's story:
“Oh yeah! I've heard of you guys. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, and Pride right?”—I pointed to each person in the room —“Though I can’t exactly...Thu, Jun 23, 2022's story:
I was reading a book when I heard a loud thud from my living room. At first I ignored it. I have a dog, you see, a big old St Bernard, and Rex has a t...Wed, Jun 22, 2022's story:
"Listen here you ungrateful brats.", the words echoed down the city streets, the sound carried by technology built into Demology's suit. "You people...Tue, Jun 21, 2022's story:
"I still don't understand", Max said, "NADIR-4 is a peaceful planet, sarge. It's really far away from the bugline. What purpose is there to send a who...Mon, Jun 20, 2022's story:
Without missing a beat, Creamy Honeypuff took out a .45 Desert Eagle and shot General Visceral in the back of the head. "That's our commanding offic...Sun, Jun 19, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **I flared up with a spell of light, illuminating the bizarre, angular field of spikes.** The flurry of hail obscured our little adventuri...Sat, Jun 18, 2022's story:
"....huh." I was a bit perplexed when I woke up this morning, mostly because I hadn't expected to wake up at all. After all the chaos of these last ...Fri, Jun 17, 2022's story:
Eddie poured Cheryl another glass of wine. "So," she said, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, "is it too soon to ask how it's going?" Sh...Thu, Jun 16, 2022's story:
"....huh." I was a bit perplexed when I woke up this morning, mostly because I hadn't expected to wake up at all. After all the chaos of these last ...Wed, Jun 15, 2022's story:
"I think they're scared of me." Pat mentioned as they watched the clouds float across the horizon. "Really? What makes you think that?" Henrietta sar...Tue, Jun 14, 2022's story:
The last thing Nozomi remembered was her body acting on instinct, leaping out onto a road to save an inattentive high schooler from an incoming truck....Mon, Jun 13, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **"Prepare to meet your end, foul demon!"** The slim, wobbly-kneed teenager tried to swing her blade at me. Unimpressed, I simply took a s...Sun, Jun 12, 2022's story:
"It's not all that bad," I thought to myself, "but they do send me the most cheesiest of pickup lines." I looked back through my messenger post histor...Sat, Jun 11, 2022's story:
"This is it," Vilem asked. Vilem was a sort of squid/crab monstrosity who was acting as my liaison to the Doormish fleet because his species was kno...Fri, Jun 10, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **It was simpler this way,** thought Meloai to herself. Ever since she'd started going to school, she'd noticed that the strongest educat...Thu, Jun 09, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **Shivio had joined the Silent Crusade expecting to slay demons and witches and bandits and more.** And he had. He had signed up knowing...Wed, Jun 08, 2022's story:
Dennis, in his black robes gored with copious streaks of blood (actually red paint), had a serene smile on his face. It was in stark contrast to his p...Tue, Jun 07, 2022's story:
Alex finds his mother in the kitchen, complete with a large copper key sticking out the nape of her back. The key protrudes through a hole in her oliv...Mon, Jun 06, 2022's story:
Aliens don’t have noses. It’s a simple fact of a complicated life. A thousand years among the stars and not a single encountered species has had one....Sun, Jun 05, 2022's story:
The fae tried. They really tried. They offered gold. The human had money. They offered a new name, hoping to trick the human into reclaiming their ori...Sat, Jun 04, 2022's story:
1/2 “Of course you’re not!” Grand Magnus Elliot yelled from behind his great oak desk. The pieces of parchment that were our plans for victory still...Fri, Jun 03, 2022's story:
Dennis, in his black robes gored with copious streaks of blood (actually red paint), had a serene smile on his face. It was in stark contrast to his p...Thu, Jun 02, 2022's story:
# Soulmage **Magic changed you.** Over the countless eons since people had began consciously casting spells, humanity had splintered into hundreds of...Mon, May 16, 2022's story:
"Amy you should probably-" Before I can even finish the sentence, she has bounded off into the woods. I'm thankful that its night, lest anyone see he...Mon, May 09, 2022's story:
*Magello was blown away, his body racked with bruises as he tumbled down the well. With his powers stolen away he…* I waited patiently for the though...Sun, May 08, 2022's story:
“You shouldn’t have told me you will always be one percent better.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “It means I cannot be defeated!” The hero...Sat, May 07, 2022's story:
"Well, now hold on just a minute." Dr. Riordan said, furrowing his brow. "You're *secretly* married? Why is it *that* a secret? That's got to cause no...Thu, May 05, 2022's story:
A girl sits in a grassy glade inside a circular beam of white light. The glow radiates from a spaceship hovering some distance above her, like it’s he...Wed, May 04, 2022's story:
"Well, now hold on just a minute." Dr. Riordan said, furrowing his brow. "You're *secretly* married? Why is it *that* a secret? That's got to cause no...Tue, May 03, 2022's story:
I always knew that being considered “mature for my age” was never as good as people made it sound. A week ago I woke up looking like I was in my mid-f...Mon, May 02, 2022's story:
7,125,000 xp obtained? What the hell… I idly turned on the news, which I always let play in the background while I munch on frosted flakes. All I did ...Sun, May 01, 2022's story:
I lost my body to a zombie on my twentieth birthday. It wasn’t much of a body in the first place, so don’t feel bad for me. I sure didn’t. My ears st...Sat, Apr 30, 2022's story:
Two somber looking men take the stage. Both dressed in all black, and was differentiated only by height. One stood taller than the average man, and th...Fri, Apr 29, 2022's story:
I ignored his derisive tone as he asked the question, choosing instead, to look around the hall. He was a royal, alright. The portraits exaggerating h...Thu, Apr 28, 2022's story:
“It’s just, what’s the point?” “I don’t understand.” Replied the sword in Jordan’s mind. Jordan shrugged, “We’re all going to die anyway...Wed, Apr 27, 2022's story:
“What’s your preferred point of entry?” “I don’t really have a preference, there are only three options, after all. It depends on the client.” ...Mon, Apr 25, 2022's story:
Love. The most insidious of The gods children. You smelled it once and like the most virulent disease, you would catch it. It destroyed everything inf...Sun, Apr 24, 2022's story:
I find the man just off the forest trail, sitting by a fire. The smoke and the brittle crack of flames attracted my attention. You can never be too ca...Sat, Apr 23, 2022's story:
Motion in the Lower Three Dimensions was so slow. It always took time. It would take forever, for Oob to get to Barcelona. So, Oob caught a passing h...Fri, Apr 22, 2022's story:
Queen Il Amia the Quiet drags the flat of the blade against the ends of her hair. Once, her braid was as black as the ink that stains her fingers. Now...Thu, Apr 21, 2022's story:
The raindrops hit the vertical windows in the small post-op room in a fashion that was somehow equally gentle and violent. Like a well-timed percussio...Mon, Apr 18, 2022's story:
Stacy sighed, rifling through the pile of papers on her counter that never seemed to stop growing. Field trip next week, class shirt money due Tuesday...Sat, Apr 16, 2022's story:
When twenty six kilometre long extraterrestrial ships appeared in orbit, they were met with equal parts joy and terror. Joy in that we weren't alone, ...Thu, Apr 14, 2022's story:
“And that’s why, we are proud to unveil the monument… to Justice!” Mayor Nathaniel pulled down the cloth covering the mural to reveal a huge portrait ...Wed, Apr 13, 2022's story:
I knock back my absinthe, smiling at gentleman across the table. “Seems like they’re watering down the drinks tonight.” The gentleman sinks into the ...Tue, Apr 12, 2022's story:
"Just do it Timmy! Don't be a little bitch!" Timmy was the youngest of the group, having just turned 15. His friends Mitch and Samantha were 16 and 1...Mon, Apr 11, 2022's story:
Geoff Klug took a drink of soda and shoved a fistful of Cheez-Its into his mouth while watching *Temptation Island*, when suddenly, an explosion of li...Sun, Apr 10, 2022's story:
We had played DnD for about a decade. Sebastian, Elliot, Leo, and I. We hung out in Leo's basement most of the time because he had the room for it. It...Sat, Apr 09, 2022's story:
I pinched the bridge of my nose with my hand. I felt a dull ache growing under my skull. "Let me get this straight." A young man, wearing gleaming ...Fri, Apr 08, 2022's story:
Heaven... wasn't what I thought it would be. I stood under a bruised sky on a grassy cliff's edge, watching the sea churn below me. I stared down at ...Thu, Apr 07, 2022's story:
I first noticed it after I uploaded my latest set of CAD drawings to the server. I reviewed them the next morning, and the differences were subtle, bu...Tue, Apr 05, 2022's story:
The Asuran's aura-clad fist impacted Max's chest with such force that it sent him hurtling backward. His back slammed into jagged rock, only his compo...Mon, Apr 04, 2022's story:
"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees, But y'all wouldn't listen And so I brought these" ​ His eyes fell on tree stumps, His frame s...Sun, Apr 03, 2022's story:
The world inside the painting is rainbow-bright, like a child’s memory of a happy day. The sky is a wide palm-smudge of blue, hazing to yellow near th...Sat, Apr 02, 2022's story:
Maia floated, adrift in an abyss of choking black darkness and twisting spires of bone. Nightmarish things slithered through the depths beneath her, g...Fri, Apr 01, 2022's story:
At the deepest reaches of Hell, it’s said you can no longer feel the pull of Heaven. You see, the momentous amount of torture that is inflicted upon t...Thu, Mar 31, 2022's story:
Maia floated, adrift in an abyss of choking black darkness and twisting spires of bone. Nightmarish things slithered through the depths beneath her, g...Wed, Mar 30, 2022's story:
The secret to being a vampire is makeup. Okay, there are alternatives. You can just go and live in the woods. That's a valid approach, and I don't ...Tue, Mar 29, 2022's story:
The council leader approached the lizard delegate: “The galactic council granted you the rights to a fairly big concession of space. Where did you fin...Mon, Mar 28, 2022's story:
The truth is it didn’t bother me. I know it sounds cold but I married and had a family as a kind of disguise for my regular identity. The better you b...Sun, Mar 27, 2022's story:
The secret to being a vampire is makeup. Okay, there are alternatives. You can just go and live in the woods. That's a valid approach, and I don't ...Sat, Mar 26, 2022's story:
The truth is it didn’t bother me. I know it sounds cold but I married and had a family as a kind of disguise for my regular identity. The better you b...Fri, Mar 25, 2022's story:
I like to try new bars. The town’s full of them, after all, and the same old places lead to the same old people and the same old drinks mixed the same...Thu, Mar 24, 2022's story:
The computer Guru arrived in billowing orange robes, his bald head shining under the florescent lighting. His beatific smile was almost but not quite...Wed, Mar 23, 2022's story:
A desperate voice burst out into the open, and Khavar knew what had happened. The anguished cry was enough—he didn’t need to hear the words before he ...Tue, Mar 22, 2022's story:
The fairy fussed inside the upturned wine glass. It looked like a shooting star scooped out of the black sky, and now it ricocheted from side to side ...Mon, Mar 21, 2022's story:
The humans called it a “facepalm”. It was the act of slapping the upper portion of one’s head with the extremity of one of their two upper limbs in ...Sun, Mar 20, 2022's story:
Historians remain divided as to the nature of Joan’s ‘Chariot of God’. Contemporary paintings show a construct resembling an armored war wagon [120, 1...Sat, Mar 19, 2022's story:
David sat in his lab chewing on a stick of carrot. They said it was supposed to help you to quit smoking, but now he wanted a cigarette more than ever...Thu, Mar 17, 2022's story:
The problem with sudden success is that nobody is ever ready for it. While the problem of too many subscribers was not new to Blizzard, after all the...Wed, Mar 16, 2022's story:
“It doesn’t matter what I try,” she says, “it always ends up the same.” She doesn’t look like a killer. Just tired, like someone who got in late afte...Tue, Mar 15, 2022's story:
Myrthil eyed her grubby hands as she rose from planting the final magic bean. Ignoring the hostile stares of villagers, she started her ritual dance. ...Mon, Mar 14, 2022's story:
There’s something many people forget about expanding an empire. Something the Romans had to deal with. The Chinese. The Mongols…you get the idea. As...Sun, Mar 13, 2022's story:
“It’s surprising how much people can change.” Those words cut deeper than my recently-obtained dagger wound, which smarted and ached with even the mo...Sat, Mar 12, 2022's story:
The sun rises lazily on Neo Dakar, where Musa Mbaye sips his morning attaya. The tableau of shining glass and glittering gold structures makes the cit...Fri, Mar 11, 2022's story:
Year 4781, 3rd of March, Terran Calendar “Dave, the fuck happened?” Captain Bob O’Connell was looking into a cell containing two bruised and battered...Thu, Mar 10, 2022's story:
King Bowen had done it. He drew his hastily procured black cloak over himself, and suppressed the chills of anticipation that ran up and down his body...Wed, Mar 09, 2022's story:
“Did you know that plants know how to hate?” The face in the ground was gnarled and wrinkled like weathered bark. Small flowers bloomed from its eye...Tue, Mar 08, 2022's story:
"Incoming!" Jamie hurries away from the field as an orange and black chunk of foam bounces across the grass by her feet. She dashes behind a large tre...Mon, Mar 07, 2022's story:
Garrick sat, thinking. He found himself to be doing this particular activity more than what he was actually supposed to do—the relatively mindless tas...Sun, Mar 06, 2022's story:
The evening itself blazed red. The tall dry grasses around the ranch looked dipped in blood as they breezed. The distant belt of mountains melted into...