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The Evil Queen scanned the heroes that stood before her, those thorns in her side that had foiled so many of her plans. Usually, she’ll respond with an undead legion, or one of three Death spells at her dispoal.

Today, however, she was empathizing with them. It was a strange, foreign feeling, one that almost rivalled the overtaking of her soul by the demon Gazareth.

“No health insurance?”

“None,” the elven archer said, twirling her golden hair, with her longbow set at her feet. Just a few days ago, she had almost killed the Queen with a ridiculous arrow over three miles away, straight through the heart. A planned phylactery had to be used. “Hell, sometimes we don’t even get paid.”

“That’s ridiculous,” the Queen said. “Services rendered, services paid. That’s not too hard of a concept, is it?”

“Maybe in your kingdom,” the dwarven paladin replied, rubbing a long, gruff beard. “But not ours. All the gold we get are basically from your people that we killed. No offence.”

The Queen had essentially monopolized commodities in several key sectors, as well as gaining control over trade routes that offered safe roads from dangers. Mainly because the dangers were hers. She was getting money either way. And that meant her kingdom stretched far and wide, flush and prosperous.

“None taken,” the Queen dismissed the paladin’s statement with a hand. “It is ridiculous. How have you allied yourself with the Silvers for so long?”

“Frankly, we just never thought about it,” the halfling rogue emerged from the shadows. “But the wizard said we should. And she’s pretty smart.”

“That’s right, Queen,” the wizard said, wizened but powerful. She grabbed a thick oak staff so tightly that her knuckles were stark white. “We simply couldn’t take it any more. I do not want to see any of my party members dying for something as preventable as death.”

“The Revive spells in the Church are still so limited,” the paladin nodded. “By the gods, but we’ve seen so many of your lieutenants fall, and rise, and repeated ad infinitum.”

“Ad nauseam,” the archer said. “I’ve shot that stupid Orc general how many times now? Seven?”

“And I’ve cleaved his head four times,” the dwarf nodded.

“Backstabbed eighteen times,” the rogue whispered.

“What’s in it for me?” the Queen asked.

“Some of the finest heroes you neighbouring kingdom ever groomed,” the paladin said. “Is that not incentive enough?”

“It is tempting,” the Queen agreed. “But what guarantees do I have of your loyalties, my attractive employee package aside?”

“We’re here,” the halfling said. “You can see me, instead of me hiding in the corners, a blossom of death upon your troops.”

“You are quite impressive, yes,” the Queen said.

“They expect us to be altruistic,” the archer almost sobbed, rubbing the bottom of her eyes to catch any errant tears. “Frankly, I just want to get paid and not die. Is that selfish? Yes. Does that keep me alive and relatively happy? Also yes.”

“Fine, fine,” the Evil Queen sighed. “I’ve been where you were. I understand how tough it is”

“You have?” the dwarf raised a busy eyebrow.

“The benefits are not for show,” the Queen sighed. “I own more money that I’ll ever spend. Might as well make my employees happy.”

“She is the one,” the paladin whispered.

“The chosen,” the archer clasped her hands together.

“The right person to come to,” the assassin chuckled.

“Fine, fine,” the Queen waved a hand, conceding. “But I want to use you immediately. For the next job.”

“Kill the king?” the dwarf said. Small black smoke began to wisp through his costume, once a shiny silver, imprinting themselves easily and readily.

“Welp,” the Queen smiled. “This seems like it’s going to be a productive partnership.”

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r/dexdrafts

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Submitted by dr4gonbl4z3r on Sun, Jul 10, 2022 to /r/WritingPrompts/

The prompt

The Evil Queen looked dumbfounded over the group of heroes and asked again; "you want to what?" to which the heroes replied, "join you, at least you have health insurance"